Other Uses for Porn
by JoannaDanna
Summary: Rock Lee has an overwhelming presence... The title is missleading, this fic is only rated T for safety. Oneshot. COMPLETE


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (the manga or the anime). FYI: Rock Lee rulz.

OTHER USES FOR PORN

_What a joyous day to be in the springtime of my youth! Yoshi!_

The birds were singing, the trees were in bloom, and Konoha was just waking up to a bright new day. A young, dark-haired boy jumped out of bed, ready to begin today's training with Master Gai. He ran to the training grounds, a gleeful smile on his face. Team Gai's usual training spot was a clearing in the forest around Konoha. The only thing in the clearing was a much abused giant log wedged into the ground for tai-jutsu practice. Gai was usually there before any of his team, and the genin was pleased to see he'd be able to surprise his sensei for once. He got right to work.

_I'll do 300 one-handed handstands, and if I can't do that I'll to 400 squats. Then I'll do 300 sit-ups, but if I don't complete that I'll do 500…_ He continued his inner monologue all the way through his stretches and warm-ups. The dark-haired youth was half way through his handstands when he heard the sound of his team approaching. _Uh-o. _The youth leaned back against a tree on the edge of the clearing, trying to look like he was bored and annoyed with them for being late.

Master Gai spotted him before the others and lifted a hand in greeting. "Neji! How wonderful to see that your youthful fire has gotten you here so early on this glorious day!"

Neji didn't answer for fear that a 'yoshi' would come out.

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Neji has a problem. He's not sure when it started, but its becoming harder and harder to fight it. Almost constant exposure to Rock Lee's exuberant personality seemed to be having an effect on him. A rather serious one—he was starting to _think_ like _Lee_.

It had started very subtly at first. He became excited about stupid little things, like training and spending time with his team mates. Neji tried to explain it away by saying to himself that he was just in a particularly good mood, or that maybe he was falling for Ten Ten. But he was genuinely happy to merely be in their company. Then he'd catch himself doing Lee's stupid little self punishment rule (once he actually did laps around Konoha because he hadn't given his best in training that day). Then something happened that really worried him. Neji began to consider buying a jumpsuit.

That was the last straw. They may be practical, but it would be a cold day in hell before _Hguuya Neji_ wore a green beat jumpsuit. Something must be done. The only problem was that he didn't know what. I mean, how do you go about solving something like this? He would have to think of something latter, because right now he was late for training.

"Neji! Your late!" Gai called out. Both Ten Ten and Rock Lee were panting; it was only seven o' clock in the morning, but they were already tired. Gai didn't believe in taking things easy…especially when they were so full of 'the spirit of youth.'

"Sorry, sensei."

Gai suddenly got very serious. "You haven't been acting like yourself lately."

Neji paled. Had the jounin noticed his personality change? _And I thought I was hiding it so well._ Neji quickly regained his composure. He was always collected and calm, and if he showed anything different Gai would become even more suspicious.

Even though Neji recovered from his surprise quickly, Gai still noticed his momentary blanching. "Neji, are you feeling well? It's not good to be up and about when your sick. You should take the day off, and return tomorrow, energized once more!"

The Hguuya would normally have argued, but he wasn't about to give up an opportunity to be away from Lee's damning influence. As he left, Lee shouted, "Be sure to rest well, so tomorrow we can renew our youthful rivalry!" Neji couldn't help but shudder—he had been tempted to give the other boy a thumbs up in farewell.

Neji had reached the street his house was on, when he ran smack dab into Hinata. She fell to the ground with a little 'oof.' A couple of weeks ago, he probably would have glared coldly at her until she managed to scramble to her feet and run away in fearful embarrassment, but that would have been a couple of weeks ago.

"Hinata-sama, are you okay?!" Neji hastily went to help the girl up.

Hinata recognized that voice. Looking up with trembling lips, Hinata saw Neji staring at her with a concerned expression. "N-Neji-kun!" She was scared stiff when he grabbed her hand to bring her to her feet. "Neji-kun, I'm s-sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going; Kurenai-sensei sent me on an errand and I-"

"It's okay, Hinata-sama," Neji gave her a friendly smile, "no harm done."

Hinata gave the boy a confused look. "T-Thank you for helping me up, Neji-kun." Thinking that maybe her cousin wasn't such a bad guy after all, she allowed herself a sheepish smile. "You're very nice."

"I'm just doing what any decent person would do. Yoshi." Neji gave her a thumbs up.

For the first time in his life, the Hguuya boy had an out of body experience. As if in a dream, he saw himself give a thumbs up and speak the word 'yoshi.' It was terrifying; he couldn't believe that he'd just done that, and in a public place no less. Looking around, Neji saw that Hinata had a surprised look on her face, and that a couple people that were standing near by, had dropped what they were holding, completely stunned.

Neji ran.

Neji ran until he had left Konoha behind. In the surrounding forest he was able to rest and think. What was happening to him?

"Yo."

Neji jumped in surprise. Kakashi was hanging upside down from a tree branch, right in front of him.

The long-haired boy tried to glare, but couldn't quite manage it. "What are you doing here, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I've noticed that you aren't yourself lately."

"I don't see how that's any concern of yours."

"Fine, if you don't want my help…" Kakashi jumped from the branch and started to walk away.

Neji didn't really believe that the jounin could help him, but he was desperate. "Wait!" Kakashi stopped and looked over his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"I can help you with your problem."

Neji sweat dropped, and folded his arms in front of himself, trying to look nonchalant. "What problem are you referring to, there's nothing wrong with me."

"Cut the crap, Neji. It's Lee isn't it? You're starting to act like him, aren't you?"

Neji let his arms fall to his sides, and hung his head, giving up the charade. "Yeah."

"The same thing happened to me."

Neji's head shot up. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi sighed. "With Gai. When we were kids, he decided that I was 'his eternal rival' and wouldn't leave me alone. His personality was rather…infectious. Within the first month of our rivalry, I became enthusiastic and punctual. It drove me crazy."

"So, what did you do?" Neji waited with bated breath for an answer.

"I discovered an antidote of sorts."

"…And that was?"

The jounin rummaged in his bag for what seemed forever, before pulling out with a flourish--

"Itcha Itcha Paradise, my savior!"

Neji fell over. "What!"

"When ever Gai comes around, I just stick my nose in this book, and I'm able to completely tune him out."

Rubbing the back of his head (he'd hit it on a rock when he fell), Neji responded wide-eyed, "That works?"

"You bet it does." Kakashi began to snuggle the little orange book like it was a girlfriend he hadn't seen in years. "This little beauty saved my sanity."

"But…but isn't that book…"

"Yeah, it's porn, what of it?"

"I can't be seen reading a book like that! Besides, I'm only fourteen, I can't even legally purchase something like that."

"How about this: you give me the money for it, and I'll buy a copy of the book for ya? But if you like prancing around in a green jumpsuit, with a permanent smile on your face, we could forget the whole thing."

Neji got a mental image of that and nearly fainted. "No!" Then clearing his throat, and regaining some of his dignity, Neji muttered, "How much does something like that cost?"

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"Neji, my rival, what are you reading!"

The Hyuuga grimaced at Lee's annoying voice, "What's it look like? It's a book."

"Well, put it down, and let's have a friendly sparring match in the name of youth!" Neji adjusted the blue book cover on his copy of Itcha Itcha, and ignored the jump-suited boy at his side.

A/N: Sorry for not writting anything for a while, but I hoped you liked my latest fic.


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